By Adam Newman
If you had a teenager who was called into the Principal’s office at your local high school, how would you respond? Or would you react? In his latest book, ’Leading From The Stop’, author Elias Kanaris shares a story about having a courageous conversation with his son. In the covid-ravished world that we live in, where the media is fanning the flames of fear, we need to have courageous conversations now more than ever.
Distracted by Apps on his smartphone, his son was disconnected and lethargic whilst in the classroom. He had fallen behind in his contributions and, wanting to help him, his teacher instigated a meeting between his son and the Principal. During that meeting, his son acknowledged that he was using his smartphone to access Instagram, YouTube and the like. It transpired that it was common amongst young adults that they drastically underestimated the amount of time they actually spent on their smartphones.
With lockdown forcing most of this country into an imposed prison, our ability to stay focussed can wane. Whether you are leading a remote team or simply trying to lead your family, Kanaris offers us a framework for having those courageous conversations.
Realising that his son had to change his habits and be given boundaries that he could work within, he set about creating a safe environment to take his son through. I suspect, as I read this book, that his son would have been confused and (potentially) anxious as this meeting started. Yet Kanaris used the following three-point framework that I would encourage you to employ the next time you need to have a courageous conversation.
Kanaris told his son, “[There are] three things. Number 1 – you’re not in trouble. Number two – we believe in you. And number three – we’re here to help.”
Stop for a moment and think about this framework:
1) You’re not in trouble
2) We believe in you
3) We’re here to help
Three simple, yet powerful frames that we can use in our day-to-day conversations.
Kanaris relates this framework to a conversation that happened back on September 11, 2001 as he was a passenger on flight UA929, heading from London, UK to Chicago, USA. It started off with the sentence, “Ladies and gentlemen, let me first reassure you that there is nothing wrong with this plane…” The passengers were quickly reassured by the pilot, Captain Mike Ballard, that there was nothing wrong with the plane, but, due to a “significant incident in the United States,” all airspace within it had been closed. As a precaution, their plane (along with an additional 37 other planes) was being diverted and they were going to be landing in Gander, which was in Newfoundland, Canada.
What Kanaris had hoped would be a short layover, ended up being a full five days stranded in Newfoundland (with four of them being hosted by the Salvation Army). Nobody could have prepared them for this catastrophe. But Kanaris identifies the action of the pilot and crew of UA929 with the actions that prevented fear from setting in.
I think that this is an especially important leadership lesson that Kanaris learned. When you experience a trauma, what are you doing to help your team, your organisation or your country to refocus? Leading from the stop means that you have to reassure everyone and stop the panic from setting in.
With our recent challenges due to the onset of Covid-19 transmissions within the community, we have witnessed scenes of mass panic in the public. This has manifested itself in the panic buying of commodity items, such as toilet paper, that left supermarket shelves barren and caused fighting amongst shoppers.
Kanaris goes on to say, “I can safely state that never, throughout the whole ‘stop’ experience did I feel a sense of panic. I believe that a lot of credit for this has to go to Capt. Mike and the crew of UA929.”
From the get-go, the passengers on UA929 were informed that “the plane was OK” and that they had to divert because of “a significant incident in the US”. Graphic details were not shared with them. There was no need to cause panic. They weren’t lied to (Kanaris had heard that on another plane that was diverted, the passengers were told that they needed to make an emergency landing due to mechanical problems). They were simply fed the truth, as it became available during their daily briefings.
If this government and the media isn’t giving us the truth and a framework that helps to remove the fear from us, then we have to take the lead. Start to use this three-point framework when you have to have a courageous conversation with a member of your team or a family member. Remind them that:
1) They’re not in trouble
2) You’re here to help
3) You believe in them
Adam Newman is a leadership consultant and can be contacted via email at [email protected]
Leading From The Stop is Elias Kanaris’s third book. Published by Aviva Publishing, it is now available through your local Christian retailer (RRP $24.95). You can find out more by visiting www.LeadingFromTheStop.com
